The Life of an Imperfect Perfectionist

Battling the evil "all or nothing" mentality can be a very draining and overwhelming task sometimes. It's definitely gotten a lot easier over the past couple years but still something I struggle with daily. Any imperfect perfectionists out there reading this? Do you ever feel trapped in your own bubble of wants and expectations that are unrealistic?

"Hi. My name is Ashley and I'm one of them."


My mom labeled me as a "perfectionist" at a very young age. I can remember being seven years old building a house for my Barbies out of my favorite big red blocks. I "constructed" these houses down to the last detail. The walls had to be perfectly aligned, Barbie's furniture set at just the right angle, each room had to be just the right size for it's purpose and don't even get me started on what would happen if my cat would come and knock a wall down. (Just a sidenote: I have no idea why I had a cat. I fairly certain I dislike cats greatly.) She told me stories about my obsession with having to wear socks, shoes and bows that all matched perfectly or I would refuse to leave the house. My socks had to be situated just the right way or I would throw a fit. Practicing layups in gym class was one of my biggest fears....I used to fake sick on those days so that I didn't have to make a fool of myself in front of everyone. I used to sulk for a week after a track meet if I didn't run well. And don't get me started on what happened if I didn't spell all of my new spelling words correctly. I am really beginning to wonder how she put up with me for 18 years at home. Hmmm. I remember her using words like "neurotic" and "obsessive" when describing her first-born. All said with love of course. :) I never played team sports because of the fear of messing up or the possibility of letting others down. I stuck strictly with solo sports like twirling and track. I even quit twirling which I loved so much because I was frustrated that I couldn't devote all of my attention on running. I was a 14-year-old giving myself an ultimatum...."you either twirl 100% of the time or run 100% of the time." This doesn't seem like normal 14 year old behavior to me.....but in the words of Lady Gaga, "baby, I was born this way." (never thought I'd find it appropriate to quote Gaga, lol)


I was my own worst enemy growing up and still am to this day. Well, aren't we all? After all, we are the ones who have to look in the mirror at ourselves most often. We have to spend 24 hours a day with ourselves.....gosh sometimes I wish I could see what it's like to have a vacation from my own thoughts for a day. Wouldn't that be nice? We get to pick at our own flaws and be unforgiving. Very unforgiving. I can remember very clearly the day I got my first C ever on a physics test in college. By the end of the day I had fully convinced myself that my future was over and I may as well just throw in the towel because what kind of PT school was going to want a girl who got a C on a test. To say that I had undue stress placed upon me by yours truly is the understatement of the century. I seriously have to point at that girl and laugh now. Becoming a mom has taken me down a notch or two. It's made me realize that there is no crime in being an imperfect perfectionist. Yes, it gets annoying. But it's okay. I'm not going to change. This is who I am. Slowly but surely I'm finding a way to be a little easier on myself. I've been trying to come out of my shell and try new things without the fear that's always held me back. The fear of not being perfect at something used to completely paralyze me and I would end up not even attempting whatever it is that had me so afraid. Want proof that I've loosened up a bit? Just take one look at my car and you will understand the progress I'm talking about. It is a complete and total wreck 99% of the time. Here is an example of the imperfect perfectionist mentality at its finest: "well the car is so pitted out already I may as well just keep it this way because it only stays clean for two seconds anyway." Same goes for our living quarters at the moment. So much time is spent thinking about what I should be doing better or what I need to improve upon....my desire is to tackle this mentality and tweak it a little. The goal isn't to change it completely but to look at it in a different light. I'm not sure exactly how to do this just yet but I'll get back to ya when I figure it out.....

The funny thing is, I don't even believe in perfection. The only perfect thing in our lives is Jesus Christ. It's plain and simple. So why is it so hard to apply to life? I am convinced that this is why I am so often disappointed with silly little things. Nothing is perfect and nothing is ever going to be perfect. Period. Now I've just got to say that another billion times and I may make some headway by then. ;) Here are some fun, inspiring, quirky and meaningful quotes that I've stumbled upon that I'm using to shed some of that "new light".....

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. 
~Charles Schulz

Certain flaws are necessary for the whole.  It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.  ~Goethe

No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers. 
~Unknown

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. 
~John Henry Newman

To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. 
 ~Elbert Hubbard

Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. 
~Henry van Dyke

When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. 
~George Fisher

They say that nobody is perfect.  Then they tell you practice makes perfect.  I wish they'd make up their minds. 
~Wilt Chamberlain

Perfection is not attainable.  But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence. 
~Vince Lombardi